It is a far easier thing to walk up into the light than down into darkness...

I learned this tonight, doing my laundry. The lighting is really weird on the backsteps, and I always find myself carrying a huge load and counting steps in the pitch darkness. I have yet to go ass over teakettle, which I suppose is a comforting fact. It's still easier to walk up to my kitchen light than down into the murky basement. Kinda profound, no?

I spent today at a new teacher's workshop. I think that I was - hands down - the bitterest girl in the room. It was a lot like the marriage preparation classes that I attended with the Boy: as soon as we were to think of the positive reasons why we were all here, I immediately began to panic and search for the escape route. Why did I get into teaching? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I'd like to stress at the time...

Still, it was a pretty positive experience. I got to meet some very nice young women who are struggling with the same issues of responsibility & stress that I am. It's comforting to know that my problems with resources, confidence, time management, guilt & stress are not exclusive to me. I think I was the only person in that room who is struggling not to do something drastic to get out of teaching...but I may be wrong. Teachers are great liars; the good ones can fake confidence until the cows come home. For all I know, the rest of them woke up crying & wishing they were dead. I know that I did.

Howsomever, my life is returning to some sort of track. I spent 3 hours working tonight, interspersed with laundry, and it has done wonders for my mood. Now that I have two big tasks under my belt, I can concentrate on living through tomorrow. Because we all want me to. I just have to remember that one day I'll wake up and my heart won't be aching. It may not be until July in Canso, but it'll come. I'll be ready for it.

4 years ago today: vibrating rabbits!