October 28, 1998.

"Well, I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted..."

I'm listening to "Fully Completely" by the Tragically Hip for the first time in ages. Today seems to be the day for exhuming my record collection...instead of listening to "Fundamentally Loathsome" on the new Manson album until the folks upstairs complain, I'm pulling stuff out at random. This morning I put on "Lenny" by SRV, so that the first chord would ring out just as Trevor returned to the room. It's a pretty piece of guitar work, but it doesn't quite suit my tastes anymore...still, nice to wake up to.

I'm just using music as background to my PC activities, anyway. Not like I can afford to sing along, not with an essay due tomorrow and a midterm at 6 p.m. I've painted myself into a corner, but it's okay. At least the little ping pong ball of break-up anxiety has finally stopped oscillating between Trevor & I. Realistically, I think we both knew that this was a relatively minor problem, but it was so shocking...I used to fight with Mr. Blonde constantly. It was more background noise, like the radar bats send out to find out where they are. To fight so bitterly with Trevor all of a sudden was devastating.

And the grotesquely amusing thing was that every time we'd speak to one another, one of us sounded normal and the other would begin to worry. Omigod, maybe s/he's happy because they've decided to do what's best...gulp! And on & on. If we'd used all the brain cells God provided, we'd have figured out at some point that a break up wasn't on the horizon...but it's hard to say that to someone who's filling up with adrenaline to fight or flee. Y'know?

I was going to write all of this yesterday, but I was far too dazed. So here ya go.

Spent over an hour in a sex store with Sister Sunshine & Sven yesterday afternoon. Most of our conversation involved a detailed critique of the dildos...both the "realistic" ones and the ones with weird things at the base, like little bearded faces (the "One Hung So Low" model) or vibrating rabbits. Took a tip from Nigel and made my nose all tingly with the sample appliances. Couldn't stop giggling. All in all, a nice afternoon, even if I did lure Sister Sunshine there under false pretenses, and she's kind of mad at me now (although she won't admit it). Drag.

one year ago today: just depressing