july 31, 2003.

I've been pushing to finish StanFest entries, and the day-to-day stuff has suffered. Fortunately, not a heck of a lot has happened. We've been hanging out, for the most part - sometimes here, sometimes at my parents, sometimes at the movie theatre, sometimes elsewhere.

On Sunday we both got very dressed up and went to the Changeling game. While the Boy listened to grievances, I played with whoever would talk to me. I got to flick water on Buttercup-nee-Stacy & was thoroughly investigated by Opera Sarah via a lollypop. Earlier in the day we caught the 4-hour big screen showing of Lawrence of Arabia, which I'm still thinking about.

On Monday I did some more tidying at my parents' and took a medium-long bike ride with the Boy. On Tuesday I did some more tidying, and burst into tears on the way home at the thought of living with my parents for another year and a half. Yesterday I wrote, went to the gym and pushed myself like crazy, then joined Dirk for dinner & Buffy.

Must clean this damned stinkhole of a house!

later...

I've been sleeping very badly this summer, plagued as I am with recurring nightmares of the classroom. This started as soon as I tapered my dosage of happy pills, and while I'd hoped that it would go away without the daily stimulus of the wretched classroom, that seems to have been - ahem - a pipe dream. My only refuge is in exercise; if I manage a decent amount of activity in a day, I can go to sleep with a minimum of stressful dreams. Yesterday was a particularly good day in this regard, as I was up early and worked very hard in the gym that afternoon. I slept very well, but I was still sleepy this afternoon. So I did what any sensible pregnant girl on summer vacation should do: I took a nap.

Usually when I take naps I check the time and set the alarm to make sure that I'm not sleeping more than an hour. Usually I work really hard to go to sleep. This time, I lay next to the Boy (who was finishing Dune) with my arm wrapped around my Belly, trying to feel the Sprout from the outside. This is an ongoing project at the Rockethome, as the Boy is almost jealous of my ability to tune in with the Sprout.

I wasn't successful in feeling him/her move, but simply lying still was a revelation. I act like such a brain on a stick that it really takes effort to tune into my own body. This afternoon I thought about what it would be like to be really really little, hooked into a warm wet thudding place and feeling my body change. Before I knew it, I was waking up, covered in sweat. The room's temperature had risen several degrees while I dreamed about the baby inside. It was an immensely satisfying afternoon.

StanFest 2003 is done!! I still have to write about the rest of the vacation & type up the trip down, but the days of the Fest itself are done! Friday, Saturday & Sunday.

I'm waiting for lightning to strike my hard drive.