October 31, 1998.

I've decided that I'm really bad at Hallowe'en.

Yes, this from the girl who buys black tulle for decorating. This from the girl who gets deep purple lipstick from her 73-year-old grandmother without having to say a word. This from the girl with a black boa, a black beret, and a succession of black fishnets. This from the girl with a Catholic schoolgirl outfit and brown polyester 70's get up. But that's the problem. I put the same amount of costuming effort into a typical night out. I used to look forward to Hallowe'en because it was an excuse to look sexy and dangerous. Now I wear black lipstick whenever I want. Ditto strange black ballgowns. Ditto gray top hats.

I have Hallowe'ened myself out.

What a drag it is being me, hmm?

My other nagging problem is that I can never make my costume match my expectations. This year I wanted to be Alice in Wonderland. What with one thing and another (usually another), I didn't start dress shopping until yesterday. No soap. Then I decided to be a fairy, and take advantage of the second hand wedding dresses. That's when I discovered that they only allow small girls to marry in this part of Ontario. At least, girls who are smaller than me. It's the most depressing thing in the world.

When I was a little girl, I would burst into tears after my mother dressed me up, because it was never as good as I wanted it to be. I have very high expectations of Hallowe'en. So this year I just dyed my hair black & used my own clothes. With a pack of Colts, I'm Natasha from the Rocky & Bullwinkle show. I'm happy & relatively attractive...just not ecstatic.

Damn it, I want a costume with wings.

To put a cap on my holiday spirit, it seems that Cranly, Butler, Brit Boy & Casey (i.e. The Slanty Shanty) had a Hallowe'en party last night. Palaver was in the middle of describing his night when he realized that I had no idea what he was talking about. So now I'm an outcast.

What with alienating Sister Sunshine, Tiger Lily & Cranly this fall, my circle of friends has really dwindled. Sometimes I don't feel like I have any friends other than Trevor, who's quickly becoming my entire social life. I'm trying not to let it get me down, but it's hard when I can't find anyone to dye my hair on Hallowe'en not to feel...blech.

Yes, the girl with 3 pages of cast claims to have no social life. G'night everybody...