September 18, 1999.

Where to begin?

Perhaps with explanations. I have been finding it more & more difficult to time the writing of entries as my schedule has revved up. This week, however, I have not touched my computer since Monday evening. This is largely because I have spent approximately 0 minutes since Monday evening at home that were not in turn consumed by eating, discussing car ride schedules with my family, talking to the Boy and sleeping. Precious little of the last two, besides.

What have I been doing? Commuting to class. Working 2 jobs. Standing in line. Eating too much take out. Visiting Froghopper Nook. Buying boots. Dancing like a lunatic. Talking to Morgan. Feeling sad.

Not the most uplifting of weeks, I must admit.

The prima factorium*, the first cause of sadness is that Morgan's 5 year-old - a little boy that I've known & loved since birth - is sick. He's been sick for a long time, too. Monday was the first time they could get an accurate diagnosis, and it looks like he's in constant acute pain. He is so very little, and he was misdiagnosed for so long that he's now quite used to intense pain, as much as anyone can become accustomed to it. I think that's the worst part.

Then again, he may lose his sight if the doctors don't find out how to treat him. That's a pretty big contender for worst part. At any rate, he'll definitely lose this year of school.

You can imagine how I feel. Helpless, because I'm not a pediatric ophthalmologist. Terrified for the potential loss of his bright future. And so very sorrowful. I'm reminded by others that blindness is a worst case scenario; that at least they know what's going on with him now. Poor silver linings at best.

* I just made that up, but it sounds good, doesn't it?

During the gap, I also started my second job. I'm - get this - working in that great capitalist cliche: the mailroom of a large corporation. (Oooh, maybe I'll end up the owner.) I'm reminded a great deal of Clive Barker's The Great & Secret Show...at least, of the beginning, which is the only part I can really recall. That being an added fillip of joy, I also like my co-workers & supervisor. The only part I don't love is the one rush day, when I spent 4 hours straight, standing, bending & packing; dealing out flyers & memos in a continuous loop that eventually eats away at my higher functions. And the stuffing into bags was no picnic either. Still, it's honest work, in the sense that I run around answering doors & phones, take crap from superiors & am bone tired at the end of a day.

It could be worse. I could be back in the receptionist seat at the plumbing place, dodging dogs & hostile stares.

As you can imagine, 10 straight working days on top of the news from Morgan made me awfully eager for a break. At some point last week, I resolved to spend Friday critiquing PVC bustiers at the Garden. This thought became my lifeline; my morale. When I thought on Wednesday that I'd have to spend the night moving a desk around the suburbs, I literally curled into a fetal position & sobbed too hard to speak. Fortunately, we gave up on the desk. And I managed to pack all my tarty clothes in the dim & sleepy 15 minutes that preceded my drive to work on Thursday morning. With the purchase of shiny black 8-holes, I felt the belle of the night.

What I hadn't counted on was my internal alarm clock, set for bed at 9. But I was hardly incongruous on a Friday night: everybody yawned stealthily & cursed their advancing age. Yet a good time was had by all. Stacy recited the Gashleycrumb Tinies, Jesse buttered me up in his unique alphamale sort of way, and the Boy drank & purposely mixed up syntax. My new boots stood the dancing test (although they of course ripped up my heels something terrible) and my clothes were sufficiently scanty to make even the Boy notice.

As for now, I'm currently killing time at my weekend job & trying to scheme a nap before tonight. Last night's rather extended activites and today's early commute have left me dogtired, yet it is Little Spider's birthday today. And what kind of friend doesn't turn up on birthdays?? Exactly.