Not much to talk about today.

I was talking to Dirk last night & I mentioned that Monday is Agamemnon's birthday. He was totally shocked. It reminded me of a similar conversation I had with Agamemnon last spring: I had mentioned calling Dirk that night because it was his birthday only to get the same shocked reaction. It's bizarre. They're best friends but they don't know each others' birthdays off hand. Sigh...boys & birthdays. Or maybe it's just boys.

Totally heart-string tugging church service today. There were 3 baptisms, one a little smiley girl whom Rev. R. took up & down the aisle to "show her her new family; the people who will answer her questions growing up..." I felt like screaming, "I won't be here, I can't make that promise!" And at the same time it was so beautiful and so intimate as baptisms seldom are. I felt a passionate desire to stay, to stick around the church until my own children are born into this lovely community of worshippers. I suppose part of it was the selfish consumer desire to have the "best" baptism, one beautiful & meaningful for us as well as the baby, but that wasn't all of it. I've never been in a church like this. I've never been in a place that feeds my head & feeds my spirit & feeds my sense of responsibility to the world & feeds my sense of responsibility to myself. I don't want to go to a place where I'm just another warm body to be educated or molded into the structures.

What makes it even worse is that when I spoke briefly of this pang after the service, Rev. R actually made me feel worse by appearing distressed over our departure. To want to be in a place is one thing; to be wanted is entirely another.

Boy this is going to hurt when we leave. Even if we prolong the process by getting the Boy enrolled at a Halifax university, the inevitable journey weighs on me. I should've known that this place would divide me in 2. Damned inevitable beauty!!!