may 13, 2000.

10:15 on a Saturday night and I won't be going anywhere, either. Just had an enormously painful conversation with the Boy that I'd rather not discuss at the present time, other than noting that I managed to weep & wail for a good two hours. At my zenith, I had managed to cry myself into a zombie-like state eerily similar to the numbness I achieved on That Tuesday (using at the time only port & wishful thinking.) When this thought struck me, I freaked out even further, and started hysterically apologizing as if I was back in that day. God. Not a fun flash back, not at all.

Now my eyes hurt & my brain hurts & my heart hurts. At least everything will be okay when I wake up.

For such an inauspicious end, the day went rather well. Today we were off to find bridesmaid dresses come hell or high water. In the interests of accuracy, I must report that there was neither at the boutique in Georgetown, just dresses of various styles and colours. I had originally wanted simple evening dresses as illustrated on my right, but the mechanics of fairy tales took over at some point and we walked out with deposits on three navy princess dresses. Tight corsetty tops, full poofy skirts, shiny material...it's a little girl dream come true. The fit of the dress, however, is quite adult: not just cleavage city but cleavage country. I'll be staring down their tops all day long.

That's my privilege as the bride, you know.

I'm rather amazed at the degree of success, as the morning didn't bode well. When I called Morgan, I discovered that she was under the impression that we were scheduled for tomorrow...and she had plans with other people. Wackily enough, her other Saturday plans involved another bride meeting up with her to get her a bridesmaid dress. We decided to consolidate & conquer, since the Other Bride had no idea where to go. I'm not sure that I liked the Other Bride...she seemed really tense & withdrawn the whole time, plus practically her first comment to me was, "it's really hard to find a dress for Morgan." Now, Morgan's a very attractive girl, and she takes one size larger than most boutiques are willing to stock. That's it. She's not in a circus, she's not a shut in and she doesn't have an extra arm or a superfluous tail. I haven't found it terribly difficult to find her a dress - you order them in the size you want, that's it.

But. If my wedding was a month away and one of my bridesmaids lacked a dress and I had just driven three hours from Kingston to go dress shopping and when I arrived found another wedding party running the show...I probably wouldn't be all smiles either. And there's no telling what's going to come out of my mouth during the best of times (cf: sexual harassment). Still, it wasn't very nice.