July 21, 1999.

9:25 a.m.

We seem to be hitting the horse latitudes in terms of morale here. I thought I was the only one who was bored & restless & wanted to go home...but apparently it's an epidemic of bad feeling. I might say that it's Allergia, but really it's just the boredom of doing everything the same and the accumulated weariness.

Oh, and I guess having Tarzana the Wild Child sulking away under my nose doesn't help.

Today at breakfast she speared huge chunks of syrup-covered waffle on her fork, hold them in the air & then start picking bits off with her fingers to eat. It's like eating with a dog. And I'm positive what her mom says about it at home...her mom's a sweet woman, but she settles for too little. Instead of making Allergia more civilized, her mom is just happy that she's eating at all. And instead of making Allergia respect other people's right to privacy at bedtime, her mother's just happy that there's friendship there at all. It's the Lowest Common Denominator approach to child-rearing, the one that states that everything is fine as long as the child is "free" to do what she pleases. Morgan's son was more civilized at 2 years old. Recipe for a tyrant indeed.

Had another long talk with Brady & Rex last night about my general frustrations with camp life. Methusela (one of the older counselors) has been making an offer of $50 to anyone who can get him a picture of another counselor naked. He also said something to his campers that I didn't catch, but that really bothered Codyanne. Unfortunately, Codyanne's the type of girl who's been taught to suck up discomfort, so I couldn't get any specifics out of her. It's kind of a great big drag...Methusela seems to be the kind of guy who's big on other people "taking a joke." I'm pretty sure my name will get dragged into the official confrontation, and then there'll be hell on earth.

The good news is that Allergia is relaxing. She's been quite civil & friendly to me this afternoon, making my job a lot easier. Perhaps this is because my house has finally reached a critical mass of peer pressure...we got a new girl in today, and it seems to be positively affecting Allergia. The bad news is that the counselors are so into bitching about her that they don't see the improvement in her attitude...only that she's a spacey little kid with no self-consciousness whatsoever. At the pool tonight they clumped up & started going on about how freaky Allergia was for spinning around & around until she became dizzy. I've seen kids do that a million times, and I can't believe that the other counselors are new to the phenomenon. But now their perception of Allergia is in a little box I created before I knew better. And it's beginning to piss me off. We've got a lot of space cases here. This is a camp for the self-involved nerd. I don't like getting defensive about the whole thing & effectively pulling an emotional 180, but there you go.

Speaking of nerds, one of the girls told me last night that I reminded her of a new Barbie doll with brown hair & glasses. "The token nerd Barbie?" I laughed. The girl was indignant. "No! You're not a nerd!" I continued to smirk. "Yes I am. It's okay, I'm fine with it. I'm dating a nerd." "Oh," she said.

I guess that never occurred to her, that you could eventually find a space to embrace the nerd label rather than working all your life to escape it. (And the makers of She's All That can kiss my ass). In fact, now I want to see this token nerd Barbie. Everybody needs a homunculus, especially me.

My relationship with the camp generally has improved immeasurably from last session. I'd always assumed that easiness with kids was an inborn thing, and that my stiffness with the young would continue indefinitely. I'm glad to learn that it also can be learned behavior. I'm loosening up generally, and trying not to take too much to heart. I guess it's easier to see the good in other kids when you live with a "problem kid."

However, I did lose it a bit when one of the grade 8 boys started insulting the music I was playing during afternoon activities. 13 year olds are so stupid. But I shouldn't have let it get under my skin: if he's too caught up in the mainstream to appreciate "Don't Worry About the Government," that's his friggin' problem. I just hope that I can lower my sensitivity to such incidents at the time, rather than upon reflection.

There's an amusing thing going around this session that started with LCG in the first: namely, she's calling some of the counselors cows. 2 weeks ago she was in the soccer rest area with the biggest male counselor, and she came over to him with a handful of grass, intent on sticking it in his mouth. When questioned, she replied, "he is a cow. I feed him grass." It was utterly adorable, and we all encouraged her to call him a cow. She enjoyed this attention (as any 10 year old would), and the game expanded. Now there's Crazy Cow (Mortu the Goofy), Pushup Cow (Methusela, who always makes his kids do pushups when they're bad), Healthy Cow (only eats grass, not rocks) and of course, Original Cow. It's a silly sort of game, but it's the kind that big people should play more often. Silliness is good for the soul, dontcha know.