November 8, 1998.

"How long till I have you?"

-big sugar

Ok, my life has become a Spider Robinson novel. Specifically, I have somehow entered into the realm of Callahan's Secret, in which the skinny, guitar-playing protagonist expresses a deep-seated preference for "women who look like women." This would be women on the larger end of the body spectrum, women who do not "look the way North America thinks women should look...like a thirteen-year-old boy with plums in his shirt pockets."

I had always believed (against all available evidence, to be sure) that I was somewhat conventionally attractive. Finding out otherwise is somewhat stinging. But I am very vain, in some ways. And very lazy overall. I am unlikely to maintain a lifestyle for very long that will put me at my desired weight (i.e. with 17 pounds less of me to love than right now).

"Why do you want to be conventionally attractive?"

"Market value."

(Or a lot of other answers which mean the same thing.)

Anyway. Had a rather good time at the Sloan concert last night. Veronica hooked me up with the ticket after I bought her a textbook, but the way things have been cooling down for me among Tiger Lily's friends, I just didn't have the will to call Veronica to hook up before or during the show. ("Few bridges burning, gets a little toasty"). So I just went with Trevor & stopped worrying about my social life. But boy, did we get a treat.

For one thing, it was Chris Murphy's 30th birthday last night. This was the guy who flagged down a random van & was driven down the street after a concert at Much Music last year...you can bet he acted super-kooky last night. The very young & very devoted audience continually threw gifts & well-wishes at him between songs. During the very anthemic "Motor City Maniacs," he asked for "a kick-ass drum solo for his birthday" - during which, the drummer tripped & took out the entire kit. The lead guitarist built up the set again & hauled the drummer onto his seat while Chris led the crowd in a chanting game. I just couldn't believe it...the day before, I'd been to a concert where the roadies were constantly on call with guitars and such. It was so choreographed that it lacked any amusement value. And then to be at a concert where one of the band members has to built the drum set again...

I don't think I stopped smiling the entire night. Especially when Chris called his mother onto the stage during "Underwhelmed," strapped a guitar on her, and changed some of the racier lyrics. I guess that even when you're 30, you don't want to sing "affection has 2 'f's, especially when you're dealing with me" in front of your mother. She had a great time up there, by the way.

Definitely the jewel in the Sloan concert-going crown.

one year ago today: dame-ness