August 24, 1999.

I feel like I did a lot today, but put it in a list & it doesn't amount to much. Visited the library & took out 2 step videos & a yoga for seniors tape (they had nothing for my age group, okay? Besides, I'm about as flexible & graceful as your average senior citizen.) Tried one of the step videos tonight & ended up all flushed & out of breath. It's been a long time. I hope to feel strong & energetic with this exercise program since I'm going to need both qualities in abundance this year; losing weight would be a bonus.

A nice bonus, though.

Also stopped by the Employment Centre for a quick search through the job bank. A 3 hour commute for 8.50/hr was the best thing on offer. But even if the listings were fabulous, it would've been hard to maintain an optimistic attitude in that place. Small children clung to the legs of tired mothers, bureaucrats smiled professionally and the place somehow managed to smell like failure. I left as soon as I could.

I just hope that the temp agency will do as well by me as they have by the Boy; he's worked everyday since he signed up. What I need right now is assurance of my competence & earning potential. I'll be less apprehensive once I get paid for the first time.

This concludes the job portion of the program: boring, but necessary.

Just spoke to Scherezade on the phone. She's always been difficult to get a hold of, but we've barely spoken since the spring. New boyfriend, new interests...I fell increasingly irrelevant in her life now. Which is ironic, because we have more in common now than ever. I find it difficult to emotionally accept that she's moved in a different direction from me. We used to have such a good time. I miss her energy.

Why does slow decay of friendship hurt more than a sudden shock? I suppose because you have to grope for explanations with the first. You have to convince yourself of their truth.

I'm taking this hard for someone who hasn't made a lot of effort to keep her in my life. She always said that I was sensitive enough for ten people.