September 24, 1999.

Glorious day today; the repelling force of low-level administrative tasks finally meshing with the attractive force of the school yard. I need both. I need the kick or I'll talk myself into settling for unhappiness, just because it's easier & faster. Some days it's just too easy to give up on yourself.

But like I said, great afternoon at the school (also, incidentally, the junior high I myself attended 10 years ago. I walked into the staff room and was immediately paralyzed at the sight of old homeroom and science teachers. What does one say when one feels 12 year old and in an inappropriate area of the school?)

The kids are everything I could ask for and more, talking to me easily and cooing a bit. They see me as someone who doesn't quite belong in the adult world; they pry into my background & smile when they catch my eye. I spent the afternoon getting to know the teachers, co-supervising an art period dedicated to the concept of vanishing point, learning about Inavut (a Social Science topic that didn't exist when I was in Grade 6) and socializing in Free Time. It's a magical atmosphere: the kids respect me as an authority for one thing (when you work 6 days a week as a low-level temp, those aren't small potatoes). For another, I can actually help them with their problems. And finally, they themselves are having such a good time being at school that, unlike the psychic suckpool of most offices, you can't help but get an emotional lift.

I'm a bit worried about my experiences for Teacher's College still; U of T requires 3 experiences, and though I logged quite a few hours at camp, it only counts as one reference. To make the problem more acute, "recent, teaching-related and school-based experiences with children and adolescents in the grades in which you hope to teach is recommended." To me, it sounds like they want me to have a teacher's resume before they deign to admit me into the Faculty of Education. Scares me.

On the bright side, Jee (one of the teachers) offered to find me something in a gifted or special-needs setting within the school as an alternate to the regular classroom thing. In other words, it's different enough from what I'm already doing to qualify as a separate experience, but I don't have to go to another school. And as I'm working all the other six days, it would be a relief not to worry about travel time.

I find it mildly ironic that six months ago, I was comforting Little Spider's sense of isolation by reminding her that I was moving back into town in the fall...and now she's the one drinking on weeknights and she's the one that I can't get on the phone.