Snuhgh. Had a two-hour nap this afternoon and now I'm completely discombobulated (I love that word, though!) It's kind of unsettling to wake up to an empty house...and to know that you won't interact with another human being until you fall asleep again. Your entire period of consciousness will be alone. I watched Memento on Saturday and it's having an interesting effect on the way I think about consciousness. Which is, of course, the whole point of that movie, and why it is so brilliant. Of course, this is only interesting in the intellectual sense when you're wearing the floaty feeling of unreality like a coat.
I have Things To Do this afternoon. But don't I always? I'm lucky; this research project is coming along sweeter than sweet. The topic is Adolescent Sexuality and I think I could spend the rest of my life pulling in material about AIDS and abstinence and so on. There is just so much out there to be taught to kids that I really should know more about it and shouldn't be learning about STD's at this advanced stage of my life. A month ago in class we were asked if we'd rather have genital warts or gonorrhoea and I hadn't the faintest clue which one would be better.
Also, according to Microsoft Word I can't spell "gonorrhoea." You know your skills need a refresher when...
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Looking at my stats, I notice that 45 out of the past 50 searches have been for the word 'xeney.' This has been going on for more than a month, for some reason (with occasional breaks for 'love spells' and 'tits'). Look! Xeney lives here. She wouldn't post on my site if you paid her.
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Today I went to Public Health to get another TB test, as I cannot be employed in Ontario schools without an up-to-date negative result. If you'll recall, I had to do this the last time I was employed by a public school board, and I got a monstrous migraine that lasted well into the night. The nurses assured me that the one had nothing to do with the other; coincidentally enough, this afternoon I got a monstrous headache and had to lie down (hence 2 hour nap).
Nic, I'm sure, would immediately begin to tell me about government/medical conspiracies...but I really think this is a coincidence. Anyway, 2 headaches does not a reliable survey sample make. (This is basically what I told Little Spider a few years ago when she decided that she turned all of her boyfriends into assholes; 2 assholes is not an accurate baseline on which to formulate further predictions.)
Despite the fact that the clinic is only a 30-minute walk from home (ha!), I took the bus both ways. I like taking the bus here. I mean, I liked taking the bus in Toronto because it usually took me to exciting places/interesting people/home...but here taking the bus is not just a journey, it's a destination in and of itself. People get on, see people they know, and start talking. Most people know one another and if they don't they certainly aren't shy about making the odd remark to you anyway. I enjoy the camaraderie on the bus.
I was thinking about this today and wondering why bus rides make me so happy. Growing up, I slowly become convinced over the years that something separated me from most other people. I'm okay with it now; in fact I cherish my apartness because it's easy to remember who I am in a crowd. Part of riding on the bus is the pleasure I feel when complete strangers will be friendly to me, because it lets me forget some of the pain I still carry for being different.
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4 years ago today: there were tomatoes in the salad.
