march 16, 2000.

As I have a night to myself tonight, I thought that I really should fashion my thoughts into an entry. Something cheerful, to show you that the bouncing thing I was last year has not died. But to tell you the truth, I just can't be bothered right now. It's a combination of being really bored with my new job, being really alienated from my social life while i finish up this last essay and being really frustrated at the amount of time i can spend with the Boy. In the past week, we've spent 6 hours together total. 4 of those hours were in public places: future bakery, green mango, tequila bookworm. Anything I could do to fix that ratio would mean blowing off the essay...which will be a week late as it is. But I feel like I'm going crazy.

Today several of my co-workers received a mass email containing "cute" things kids purportedly said about marriage. In my small area, bounded by fabric dividers, I heard it read aloud three times. During most of the day, I checked upc codes on a master list against data files in the computer system.

My job. Is not. Going well.

I'm trying to figure out how I could be less miserable. Unfortunately, I can't see any way clear of this lifestyle penance until September, when this dumb assignment runs out. I repeatedly picture a meeting a friend from highschool. Our conversation would immediately turn to "how we're doing." I'm getting married, you know. But I'm absolutely miserable.

The prospect of tomorrow seems utterly grim. Go to work and fill the day with useless tasks. Come home to a history essay not yet started. Stay in my house all weekend to complete the essay. Go back to work on Monday, knowing that I have another five days to go before I have the chance see my friends or my betrothed.