march 6, 2000.

Body update: as of today, I have been menstruating for 14 days straight.

Yuck.

At this point I can't even cope. I want it to be over so much that I'm just ignoring the phenomenon. It's just so freakish & disturbing. And it must be the result of the new birth control pills. Although I hadn't had a problem with the 21-day pack, my doctor gave me a 28 day deck this time around. Not that it should make that much of a difference: probably the bigger factor is that I was off the pill for 2 months between my prescription running out in December and my appointment in February. I know I should've said something to somebody. I can't figure out why I didn't.

Be that as it may, I am reacting to the re-introduction of the Pill rather badly I think.

So. New month, new design, new location. During this week I'll be moving to the new site as my frantic double-essay writing schedule permits. In other words, don't expect miracles, kittens. I'm doing the best I can.

One thing I forgot to mention about yesterday is the way in which the best laid plans of a bride & her maids can splinter & disintegrate under the slightest provocation. I had finally managed to find a day when Scout was in town, Morgan's ex husband had their young child and Little Spider wasn't doing homework. But. But. Things happened.

First to step up to the plate was Morgan. During the last week, she had to take a day off to care for the aforementioned small child...meaning that she needed to make up the time on the weekend. Unfortunately, that tied up her entire Sunday - or at least the time that the malls are open. There was no point in even getting upset, after all, I'm all for decisions that put her where her child needs her. Yay responsible motherhood.

Next up - Little Spider. I was hurrying home after Church when I first found out something was wrong. The cell phone didn't give me much to work with, but I managed to hear "worst 12 hours of my life," "need a few more hours" in a voice that sounded close to tears. Later I learned that the culprit was food poisoning (or more likely, flu). She valiantly offered to go out later, but I knew she was done for.

That left me & Scout. We couldn't even put the trip off by an hour or a day, as she needed to be back in Kitchener by nightfall. So. We have one bride, feeling uncomfortable about making Scout into a fancy dress puppet. And we have her maid of honour, who seemed much more at ease with the whole thing. After awhile I relaxed into the exercise and made her try on a ballerina confection of pink tulle & lace-up lammé. It seems that of my entire bridal party, I'm all alone in my kitschy worship of pink. Stacy preys on this divide by pledging to wear pink if made a bridesmaid. What a low-down campaigner, eh?

Decision making power was limited by the fact that there was less than bridesmaid quorum, but we at least found one dress in Fairweather that Scout adored. It's a beaut: A-line, spaghetti straps, floor length skirt, lace-up back. She looks just gorgeous in it, and that makes me happy as well.

Things seem to be going on as usual in the house, despite yesterday's scene. But that's the way it's always been. My mother was gone for most of the day, and when she returned, she immediately came up & started rubbing by back. I dunno. My parents aren't bad people. They love me. They just perpetuate the basic power imbalance of parent & child by only allowing their anger to have legitimate status. All of which means that they probably feel as out of control of their emotions as I do. Not to mention guilty.

None of which helps me when I'm in those situations, but it's nice to think about in the quiet slack time.

I think that one of the main issues was that Bronwen (Little Spider's boyfriend's younger sister - also the current sweetie of my exboyf) has offered to do my makeup for the wedding, both as a friendly gesture and as a way of building her portfolio. My mother is profoundly uncomfortable with the idea, and I'd be lying if I said I was completely cool with it myself. It's just that if it were any of Little Spider's other friends - or even if Bronwen wasn't involved with Alexi - I would be powerfully drawn to the idea.

I hadn't made up my mind one way or the other by nightfall, when I started my usual round of pre-bedtime phone calls. (I have a weird compulsion to talk to people right before I go to sleep; preferably the Boy, but when he's not available I've been known to call upon Scherezade, Dirk and Dav to provide the conversational narcotic.) I was lucky enough to find Scherezade in a conversational mood last night, and she managed to articulate the same feeling that caused my mother to get all mean. Namely, that I shouldn't try to be so accommodating that I ignore my own priorities on what will be a pretty delicate day anyway. She recommended that I avoid all things that could freak me out in the slightest...and since I'm easily freakable, I suppose I'll have to seal myself in a perspex bubble until the ceremony.

Or one of those hamster exercise balls. Or something.