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July 26, 1999.9:24 a.m. The last 17 hours have been dull torture (except for the 7 I was asleep...well, the time when the sprinkler stream shot in through my bedroom window & hit my legs wasn't too peachy). I hate my damn wiener kids. They're mean, nitpicking jerks. I don't want to spend 5 minutes with them, let alone 5 days. And I don't plan to list specifics, because I know that my dislike is mainly composed of my strong desire to be out of here. Last week was hard, but the last Monday is always the hardest morning to face without some protective misanthropy. "Gotta go, Moe, my damn wiener kids are listening." One of the highlights of this weekend was hearing one of my old resmates tell filthy stories about the time she was a counselor at B'nai Brith camp. As she tells it, the 9 year old boys were notorious for setting up a trade of gummi bears for blowjobs. Shortly after hearing this story, I spoke to Q, and for some reason it was all I could think of to relate. his response was classic. "(cackling) yeah! That's what we need more of! Gummi bears for blowjobs! (the world-weariest sigh you've ever heard)." "I shouldn't've turned down those cue cards. Sigh." God, I miss the Simpsons. I haven't seen an episode since June. For me that's an insanely long time. I also miss not having to answer stupid questions over & over, not watching a feral child eat everything with her fingers, seeing the Boy more than once a week, playing on the computer and sleeping more than seven hours a night. I miss going drinking in the middle of the week. I miss feeling okay about my physical appearance. I miss amusing conversation. I miss my peer group, for christ's sake, I'm tired of being the third oldest counselor. I'm just tired. Of everything, I think. Not a suicide tired, but a Death of a Salesman in miniature sort of tired. When I'm out of here, I'm getting a new tattoo, dying my hair pink, and using "fuckmonkey" in every verbal sentence. I'm so tired of looking after these girls & the camp at large. And I'm tired of ranting for several paragraphs without any catharsis to offer. Good night.
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