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july 7, 2000.
Last night I went visiting, which was more fun than you can know. It's such a relief to see people on a weeknight, just as if I was a real human being and not an obligation mule loaded down with wedding & university & working & (biggest load of all) self pity. Ah, me.
Little Spider & her boy have a really nice basement apartment, and it pleases me that I can put all of those words together in a sentence. Unlike Hippie Hell (my abode through most of last year's school term), the walls are real walls and not particle board on struts. (I swear, my apartment walls were a mouse super highway.) The only real design problems are the 6" ceilings and the open concept layout - only the bathroom has a door. But it's very nice, and I quite liked slouching around with them, watching baseball & talking trash about former friends. Fun fun fun.
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I got another rejection reply today, from Wilson. I'm kind of upset. I wanted to think that she actually liked me, that there was something to our friendship beyond proximity. I was wrong. She's had my number the whole year. We've talked twice, and both times it was me who called even though I had to track down the number through her parents in Kingston. The one time we really connected, we spent hours talking about the boyfriend that had just screwed her over. She'd just gotten back together with him, but she declared that she just wasn't taking any more shit. No more smoking, no more cancellations, and the relationship was at point zero until she figured out what she wanted to do. You know, it all sounded so strong and independent. Not 2 months later, I hear from St. Stephen that she'd just gotten engaged to him. When I finally tracked her down & asked how we got from Point A: We're Starting All Over Again to Point B: Getting Married Next Year, she said point blank, "Oh, we were always meant to be together." Warning klaxons, sirens, chills. I fucking hated hearing that, but what bothered me more was the distance in her voice. It sounded fake, like this was a speech she'd made for people like me who asked why.
When she casually mentioned going out with Ophelia & Lady Godiva to try on wedding dresses, that was just twisting the knife. Not calling me herself, not even presuming that I might know something more about the subject than those two...that hurt.
I half expected this rejection. It's not any nicer to finally receive it.
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