August 4, 1999.

"the devil will find work for idle hands to do..."

- the smiths

This morning I opened my eyes and thought, 'this whole 10 hours of sleep thing is losing it's savour.'

I guess I'm just perverse. 85% of the time I'd kill to have day to spend as I wish, but vacations always screw me up a bit. And it doesn't help that while I'm having difficulty connecting with the remains of my hometown social life, the Boy is doing everything I used to do in the city. Of course, he's an easier person to hang out with than me...much nicer & tons more likeable. I know that. It doesn't bother me: he's just better at playing social games than I am. What bothers me is that some people can't even be polite about liking him better.

No.

No, I'm not even going to get into this. Not here. I don't want to start a fight.

Anyway, my days are a little bit easier to get through now that I have a purpose. My room was a horrible mess from the end of March to this evening, mostly because my clothing seems to have doubled in amount. I find this baffling in the extreme. But in any case, I got a new/old piece of furniture from the basement tonight to help deal with the overflow, and I can see my floor again.

But the whole thing made me think. Am I going to drag all of this accumulated crap East? Of course not. Do I want to carry boxes full of fuzzy pics of former friends to my solo place once my career starts (or I get married, whichever comes first)? Not really. That means that I have until August to clean out my room for good.

It's nice to have a deadline. I don't feel like I'm doing penance here anymore...I feel like I'm preparing for the next stage. And I'm kind of glad that the jobs are enormous & unwieldy. This is an important transition in my life, and it shouldn't be easy.

(closet masochist tendencies...note that down).

I don't feel like I'm making that much sense tonight. Oh well. I've never felt that logic was my main attraction here anyway.