september 14, 2000. I think today qualifies as my angriest morning of the school year. I was just so tired from the week and so frustrated with these new professional standards that I was practically breathing fire as I swung from the bed. Once again, the Boy shames me with his gentle good humour - he got up at 5:30 to deal with the cat, and by the time I had made my snarling way into the kitchen he was bright eyed & well adjusted to the new day. I suppose the struggle to be conscious is less strugglesome when you're unemployed. Well, except for the crippling doubt of self-worth. You know, that little thing. We had our placement meeting with the head of the department this afternoon, and I got the best news of the month: I'm not directly responsible for commuting to my placement school! They'll arrange car pools on my behalf & everything - all I have to pay is gas money. And $12 is the maximum per week -- if the cost of commuting averages higher, the school will pay the difference. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but my household has no source of income, no car and no area contacts. If we need a vehicle, we can't bus to the suburbs and borrow Mom & Dad's van. Finding out that our transportation needs were sensitively addressed cheers me up no little. I have. To give up. Sunflower seeds. This week I discovered that the Kwikee Mart across the road sells my favourite brand of seeds, and I've given into temptation twice. It just makes me feel so bad - salt dries up my mouth, the taste grows cloying, and I begin to look for excuses to remain sedentary. When a session is over I feel fat, weak & horrid, both physically and psychologically. My problem is compulsion. It's the ultimate comfort food for me, even though it leaves me profoundly uncomfortable. There has to be some sort of ending before I lose all self respect.