november 4, 2000. I'm fading. It's quarter after nine & I think I want to go to bed. (Which is fair warning in case I start mumbling & drooling by the end of the entry.) I've been awake less than 12 hours at this point and I'm not really tired; I just find my homework very frightening. But...I think I'm justified. When you start thinking seriously about Gordon Lightfoot, it's time to be afraid. This weekend I decided to concentrate on my homework instead of going out. I'm lucky I have something to occupy my time - I honestly don't think that my reputation could stand another Saturday night of Amoret the Drunken Spectacle. It's fun to be drunk and let go of all the petty concerns that cloud my mind, but waking up the next day is too depressing for words. For not only do I have a crushing hang-over, but I'm also forced to confront the idea that my social life is made emptier by these bouts of superficiality. I get to eat the icing (for awhile), but there's no cake to speak of. And it just makes me sad & lonely during the week. Speaking of sad & lonely, Dirk's off to Australia to meet La Belle Dame Sans Merci this week. Why is that sad & lonely? Let me explain. He's been involved with her for at least half a decade - or perhaps it's more accurate to say that he's been interested in her for that length of time: the actual physical involvement is very sporadic & truncated. I don't like her. I can't help it, but I don't like it that one of my best friends is emotionally ensnared with a far-off siren in a relationship that seems to be locked into neutral. And it doesn't help that she's pursuing her doctorate in my field of study - as a literature major, I simply don't see why it would be all consuming to anyone. Lots of English professors have perfectly normal lives with relationships that go places. I'm jealous. I'm honest enough to admit that to myself (and now to you). But what I'm jealous of isn't that she gets attention that I want, I'm jealous because there doesn't seem to be any good that can come of this. Is there a lighter side? Well, we figured out how to use the Brita this afternoon. We couldn't figure out why there didn't seem to be any, well, filtering going on. Answer: improper assembly. Now our water has largely lost the metallic flavour of the Valley. I couldn't be happier - the water here is quite a bit ranker than Toronto water, and it permeates. My skin has started smelling of minerals, partly from my baths and partly from the drinking water fueling my blood. It's a strange thing when you start to notice subtle changes in your personal odour; we go through most of our lives largely unaware of our scent. Which is as it should be. That's why it's so unnerving when the whole thing changes - your nose & your monkey under-brain is reporting some odd things; are you really who you think you are? (Ask Descartes and call me in the morning.) And all for the want of a properly-assembled Brita.