November 23, 1998.

If I didn't have so damn much to do right now, I think I would've enjoyed today a lot more. On the whole it was a pretty good day. I think I'm regaining some sort of good spirits, but I'm easily annoyed. Came very close to tearing a strip off poor, innocent Saint Stephen when he coolly informed me that he'd read my last entry. I had to give up my last diary because I was tired of being the society pages & the teevee for my friends. I thought they cared about me, but it seems they were more interested in a voyeuristic thrill. None of this is exclusive to Saint Stephen of course. He's never wished me harm in my life...he's one of the mildest guys I know. But it all rushed up & stuck in my throat.

Was able to turn my Tea experience* to some good account, though. When I dragged the Boy to pick up his stuff shortly before we tearfully reconciled, he was with a horde of Tea People, all of whom knew about the Fight. Since all communication with these people is through Tea, they were still in the dark until today. Guy - the Chief of the Tea People - had commented during the Fight that it was no more than he expected from the Boy, that the Boy broke hearts.

It was nice to prove that I wasn't the latest in a long line of suckered skirts, you know?

I still don't know what to tell people about this. Somewhere along the line the Boy convinced me that I was The One, and I'm not giving up on that without one hell of a fight. Those are my feelings. He has yet to work his own out. But that's why I'm here, readers of the near future - I need to tell somebody that I miss him like a sickness. (This afternoon I walked past the place where we first kissed and wrote the story in my head. It's a lovely little story. Maybe I'll share it with you someday.) I need to tell somebody that when I open my eyes to the Boy first thing in the morning, it's the mist beautiful thing in the world. It's more than beautiful, if you can dig that.

Sigh. I'm a smitten kitten, and I can't tell him any of this right now. But as long as I can feel this way, as long as there's hope, then life is proper & meet & wonderful.

Two other good things happened today. The first is that I bought about 10 45's for 2 bucks this evening, as a gag present for my mother (she turns 45 tomorrow). I got to root through a big unwieldy crate while sitting in the middle of the floor & listening to Neil Young. I came away with such gems as "Disco Inferno," "White Wedding," "Rock Your Baby," "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" & "Refugee." Glorious.

The second occurred this afternoon. I showed up on the wrong day for an appointment with my favourite professor & felt like a schmuck. Not to mention the fact that I'd run back to my house to pick up the essay I'd forgotten this morning. The whole thing threw me off my balance & I was unable to find the cute laughing girl that so amuses a select few. A few general questions loosened me up, though, and I spontaneously confessed my intention of becoming a highschool English teacher in a few years. This provoked a frown, which I inquired about - and she gave me a completely unexpected compliment. "It's good to know that there'll be a few competent English teachers out there." Considering that I've been moaning all year that she doesn't like me, this was a major event for me...or it would be, if I wasn't weighed down with insignificant concerns. Oh, and a few significant ones too, mustn't run myself into the ground.

Stacy says that my writing style is too distinctive to hide. So...know who I am yet? *smirk*