January 27, 1999.

Another blank page stares at me. Funny thing: I can think of lots of anecdotes during the day, but when I actually sit down to write, I get a null signal. Nuttin. Sigh.

I'll try though. Today I went in for my very first well woman examination. You're supposed to start regular visits to an obgyn as soon as you lose your virginity, but fear of the infamous pap smear has kept me away for four whole years (you can do the math if you like).

You know? I wasn't so bad. I'm not saying that I'd do it every day if I could and twice on Sundays. But several things helped. For one thing, they had a female come in to hold my hand during the pelvic exam. Although I'd been aware of this option, I hadn't requested it...but the doctor just assumed that my nervousness required it. I'm awfully glad he did, too. For another thing, the procedural technique was wonderful. You know that doctors are doing a good job when it's over before you realize there's anything to tense up about. And finally, I was utterly knocked over by his personality...he was so damn convinced that Nature never intended women to ovulate and that a woman's absolute ownership of her belly was the only sane option that I was carried on by the logic of it all. Soon I'll be starting the Pill, even. I hate the idea of it, but maybe it'll be better than that.

After all, my first obgyn checkup was.

Interview for a very important summer position tomorrow night. If I get this, I'll be going to teacher's college. If I don't...well, there are other options, like volunteer work at the local high-schools...which I prolly should do anyway, come to think.

But the whole thing has given me a rather funny turn. See...they asked for my references. And after handing out so many unsuccessful resumes for so many years, I'd come to think of the bottom line as one word. Like, you never think of The Empire Strikes Back as being a cogent phrase...but actually, the Empire kicks Rebel ass all over the galaxy in that movie. And in the same way, I'd forgotten that there was any literal meaning to the phrase "References available upon request." If you say anything over & over, it loses meaning quickly. And then it starts to freak you out - so don't try this at home, kids.

"SQUEEEEEE!"

- running from the insane neighbor man