january 21, 2002.

Josie brought her new baby Zap into class today. In a matter of seconds I felt my entire body flip its prime mission: no longer was I merely toting my big brain around, for there were young humans to nurture! Honest to god, I could actually feel my ovaries clenching just watching his little eyes flutter in sleep. Good thing the Boy was safely at work, as the tide of hormones threatened to drown me. But despite the pain, I hope she brings Zap to every class. It was so much like dumb fantasies I've had that it doesn't even bear mentioning.

* * *

Talked to Palaver last night, the second long call in 3 days. I've been a bit shy about calling him since the month began, as I didn't really want to call out of boredom & loneliness, then butt up against the pink bubbly hearts of new couple-dom. (Wow, that really sounds like I'm jealous, either of the new couple smell or the hookup of my two dancing stalwarts. But I'm not, right? Or at least, I told everybody I wasn't. Let me think about that for awhile.)

Anyway, Stacy was out of town last weekend and the Boy worked crazy long hours, so Palaver & I ended up at loose ends more than we'd like...hence, the phone calls. Just like the rambling weekends of yesteryear, I can't remember a single thing we talked about, but I do remember enjoying myself. Those are the best conversations.

* * *

"I don't think I filled this in correctly."
"I'll make a note: Amoret is a rebel."
"It's true. I'll wear my rebel pants to class on Friday."

And then I thought, I have rebel pants?

* * *

I can't write for shit tonight. I think that the better part of wisdom would be to recognize that. Good night.

* * *

4 years ago today: St. Agnes Eve: ah, bitter dumb it was!