february 14, 2002.

"Can I read a Valentine's poem?" Big Sur asked yesterday. We were working through the details of a charter school presentation; it was late and close to the wire and we were feeling a bit silly.

"Sure," I said, alpha'ing the group as usual. I thought it was a bluff, but didn't really care if it wasn't. I've worked with him before; he is much loved and considered a bit of a fool. He can do anything he wants and people will applaud. There wasn't much risk even if he did decide to read.

"I still don't have a job," said another boy.

"You can play your tuba," Flower said. "And you [pointing to Mr. Avalanche], you can play drums."

I laughed. It was all very silly. "I'll play the ukulele," I said. And I rushed off to sex ed. class, where I was confronted with a hypothetical 5th grader who wanted to talk about sexual positions.

Today I sauntered into the group and found that my fellows had assembled a flute, a guitar, a tuba and a djembe. "I guess I'll just have to do an interpretative dance," I joked.

Once again, nobody called the bluff.

So this is how i ended up barefoot in class, interpretatively dancing in my ragged bellbottoms and pink "ME" shirt to an impromptu and unlikely band, while another looney tune read poetry.

Sigh.

People told me how "brave" my dance was. i notice they didn't say "good."

* * *

I have decided to give up snacks for Lent. I know, I'm a great big campaigner for Lenten vows that mean something spiritual and are not just New Year's resolutions in disguise, and here I am with something stupid like snacks. My problem is that I'm not really being self-indulgent with anything except junk food; I rarely drink anymore, I don't spend money on clothes nor do I sin in any conspicuous way. I am very self-indulgent with food, though, and I'd like to get through 40 days in which I do not "reward" myself with chips or whatever in hounour of getting through another day.

The funny thing is that when I was on practicum last time I was far too preoccupied with worry to be self-indulgent - so that during my period of greatest demand, I didn't really need to "reward" myself. This year Easter occurs after the first week of classes, so I'm hoping to extend the "no snack" thing well into May. I mean, a girl can hope, right?

And the superficial reason for this is that I've been gaining weight at an alarming clip lately; I need to stop the bloat and feel better in my skin. Feeling virtuous about passing up popcorn will only get me so far, but a journey of 1000 pounds begins with one pop tart. Or something like that.

* * *

Today is Valentine's Day, of course, and we're celebrating it by...um...well, he's celebrating it by working an 8-hour shift and I'm celebrating it by wearing a shirt with a heart on it. We had lunch together today: a stir-fry the Boy created from a recipe on the side of the mushroom bag. It was delicious; unfortunately I had to run out right away to do the afternoon presentation mentioned above. So no V-day snugglies for me.

However, I will give into peer pressure and list 5 good things about today:

1. hearing "all along the watchtower" played by tuba, flute, guitar and djembe, and hearing it played well
2. dancing barefoot in front of my class - stupid, but oddly liberating as well.
3. thick yummy stir fry. Corn starch is the Boy's new best friend (sorry Exodus).
4. sleeping till 9 a.m.
5. the sweet excitement that comes with the approach of reading week.