December 25, 1998.

Hm, short & sweet.

Yesterday I decided not to write any more entries about how miserable I feel. So I pretty much gave up hope of writing in the foreseeable future. Boy, have I ever been feeling rotten. It's getting to the point where I wonder if I'm suffering from some kind of chemical imbalance, treatable with thorazine or something. (Yes, I know what thorazine treats. Hush). And I don't just feel roteen, I feel rotten for no particular reason. I'll be out squabbling with my family & feel energized, but a reasonably pleasant five-minute conversation with the Boy leaves me in hysterics. I felt crazy, you know?

And then I figured it out. I don't hate Christmas. I don't hate my life. I don't even hate myself. I'm just not rebounding well from Crunch Time/Hiatus Anxiety, plus...

(drumroll)

...hormones. I'm PMSing in the worst possible way, and I can only hope that the P part of the acronym will go away soon. So I guess it really was a chemical imbalance after all.

(Sorry if I just made the more sensitive (male) readers puke. You must understand, I'm not being (male) prurient. It's (male) a big step in logic for me (male).)

In the meantime, I've made a few preliminary resolutions. I'll just take 'em for a test drive - tell me what you think.

1. to lose 120 pounds. Enough with this wishy washy 10 pounds garbage. I'm going full throttle, baby...and I'm taking my internal organs & skeletal structure along for the ride.
2. to start smoking. That way, I have something to give up next year. It's kind of impressive to head into the next millennium smoke free. Now I just have to fill myself with smoke.
3. to dream about more innoctious celebrities. A couple nights ago, I dreamt that I was making out with Oliver Platt...which I prefer to getting my head split open after forced fellatio on Marilyn Manson.
4. to patronize strip clubs. Hey, I shouldn't knock it until I've tried it, right?
5. to decide which way I want my sex appeal rating to go and follow through with implementing it. I'm tired of variable responses...either you all should want to fuck me or none of you. I'll let you know which direction I'm tending in, but I have to say that the utter lack of sex appeal is the easier option. And I've been meaning to take up gaming anyway
6. to stop teasing gamers

There you go, kids. Voom!