There are two kinds of days one has when one is teaching junior high. The first is when the kids feed one's energy. Those are the good days. The second is when the kids drain one's energy. Those are the bad days. Today was one of the latter.
I thought yesterday was bad. Holy. Shit. Today was like the day that almost broke me two weeks ago. I looked it up in my crappy little agenda and discovered that it's the same day in the cycle...what a coincidence. I do NOT want to write about it, as I want to forget this day as quickly as possible. There were only two good things: a girl made me a card and a hemp bracelet; and another girl hugged me. It was kind of a joke - she was pretending to be afraid of the Health test in the afternoon, and she hugged me in "fear." Still, it was a hug.
It was so bad today that I actually wrote shitty goth poetry to cheer myself up.
deconstructive criticismwords like razorblades
pull and tug at my face
bleeding self-esteem I stumble
and fall on one knee
(ripping my spiderweb tights)
soon I shall faint
one day she will kill me with those words of hers
and then I will finally feel
the blessèd release
of nothingness.
stars
hello darkness my old love
cloak me in your forgiving cloak
place stars in my dyed black hair
one star for each time
I had to ask a 12-year-old to stop talking to his or her neighbor.
STOP!
you're blinding me.
this much light
can't be good for anyone.
* * *
2 years ago today: I ate salted cashews and Cadbury Mini Eggs for breakfast this morning as a sign of my reluctance to take this sort of thing lying down.
